Portland: The Rhinelander

The Rhinelander is one of those kitchy places that fascinates and repels at the same time . . . like a train wreck or a public fight between spouses, the question is to look or not and if you choose to look should you enjoy it. It’s the only place in Portland that I know of with a strolling accordionist and a band of singing waiters belting out German drinking songs in between serving pots of fondue and steins of beer. I have wondered what a German tourist would think if some well meaning Portlander brought him to the Rhinelander for a “taste of home”. Probably a combination of amusement, at the realization that much of Oregon [and the US] thinks that this cartoonish piece of Bavaria is what Germany is really like, and horror for the same reason. My reaction would be similar if I thought that the world viewed Hee Haw as an accurate depiction of the “real” America.

But, we’re here to talk about the food and there is plenty of it, starting with the fondue that arrives on the table to kick off the meal. Bluehour does not need to worry here, the fondue is overly salty and tastes of processed cheese, but it is the perfect way to start things off here with chunks of bread and a beer. I wonder if the salty fondue is a way to stimulate the thirst and thus the beer sales, like the peanuts and popcorn that are paraded through the stands at the circus before the soft drinks vendor makes an appearance. After the fondue comes soup or salad and I recommend the lentil soup, a simple and hearty bowl that’s perfect on a winter night. It is savory and tastes of the earth in a peasant kind of way. The plentiful selection of “classic” German entrees is pleasant in a kind of stereotypical way and includes sauerbraten, schnitzel, a variety of sausages and other treats. The portions are large and many include my favorites spatzle [remember, I like the carbohydrates] and sauerkraut. The desserts were for me a disappointment, nothing looked worth the calories and the chocolate mousse that I sampled could have come from a boxed mix . . . the best part about it was its serving dish, a cookie shaped like a cup.

Don’t go head to the Rhinelander for fine dining or a quiet evening, but do go and enjoy this Portland institution for a casual evening with a group of friends who would get the joke and enjoy the experience. The Rhinelander is a guilty pleasure, one of those things that more people really enjoy than actually admit to, and that’s just fine. So go, order a beer and a sausage, and polka if you get the chance, its all in good fun and you’ll smile at the memory.

EatHereOrNot: MAYBE